BARE Study Reveals Shocking Truths About Pittsburgh Drivers

Disassociated Press
24 October 2015

  A new BARE study has revealed some shocking - though not wholly unexpected - truths about people who drive in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

  Among the things researchers discovered:

  82.7 percent of Pittsburgh drivers were unaware their car is equipped with turn signals.

  Half of Pittsburgh drivers who are aware turn signals exist refuse to use them, claiming them to be "the work of the devil."

  99.6 percent of Pittsburgh drivers see no problem with making a left turn from the right lane (even from two lanes over) and vice versa.

  94 percent of Pittsburgh drivers were unaware of the large green reflective signs posted above roadways which direct them to proper lanes.

  99.3 percent of Pittsburgh drivers believe that a traffic light turning red indicates three more cars may traverse the intersection before anyone must stop.

  53.4 percent of Pittsburgh drivers freely admit their only purpose on the road is to slow down other drivers.

  97.1 percent of Pittsburgh drivers were unaware of the purpose or meaning of solid lines painted on the roadway.

  92.7 percent of Pittsburgh drivers were unaware curved arrows painted on the ground in front of them means they are in a turn only lane.

  85.8 percent of Pittsburgh drivers believed stop signs only need be obeyed if other cars are visible.

  99.997 percent of Pittsburgh drivers were unaware there are other drivers on the roads. Many disputed the researcher's claims.

San Diego

By Bud Koenemund

A 100-word story

  After San Diego, the President went a little crazy. It was understandable. Maybe even expected. And, on some level, forgivable. His parents lived – had lived – near the Navy base. Friends and advisors tried to bring some solace by assuring him it had ended quickly for them. But, he knew they’d never really be sure about that.

  A dozen terrorist organizations claimed responsibility. The CIA narrowed it down to one group – with, they said, 73 percent certainty. With a three in four chance of being right, 20 B-2 bombers lifted off from Whiteman AFB in Missouri, and disappeared into the night.

After

By Bud Koenemund

A 100-word story

(TRIGGER WARNING: This story includes domestic/sexual abuse.)

  He always apologized after; “I’m sorry” dripping off his tongue as he gently cradled her in his arms; fingers gliding over her damp skin; caressing as if healing. The names he’d called her dissolving in the dark.

  In the morning, he’d be tender; kissing her; saying “I love you” before leaving for work, and his shame would burn off like fog in the sunshine. Showering washed away the smell of him, the taste, the…residue. This time, the pain, her bruises – already ugly yellow-brown – would fade forever. She watched his car turn the corner before she dared to breathe.

The Promise

By Bud Koenemund

A 100-word story

  Emilia entered the hall with a regal air, as if she were a queen granting an audience. The crowd hushed, stunned by her magnificence, then filled the room with murmurs, and discreet pleas for favor. Her dark, olive skin glistened; her smile painted blood red.

  Recognizing the shade, Will frowned. A week before, she’d deserted his bed before dawn – leaving behind a pair of lip prints; one on his stubbled cheek, the other inside and below his left hip bone.

  “You didn’t say goodbye,” he grumbled, when she approached.

  “I will tomorrow,” she returned, with a surreptitious wink. “I promise.”