06 April 2015

New York Mets Eliminated from Playoff Race

Announcement Comes Hours Before Season's First Pitch

FLUSHING, NY  (Disassociated Press) – In a move sure to stun many fans of the New York Mets, team officials today announced that the team has been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention this season.
  The admission came at Citi Field, just hours before the first pitch in the Mets season opener against the Washington Nationals.
  “We just feel that it’s important to be truthful with our fan base,” said Sandy Alderson, Mets General Manager.
  Alderson told reporters that a small group made up of team management looked into the team’s chances during spring training in Florida.
  “We looked at our roster, our current and recent injuries, and we looked at what has happened over the last several seasons,” Alderson said.  “Unfortunately, we determined that this team stood a snowballs chance in Hell of making the playoffs this season.”
  Following consecutive late season collapses in 2007 and 2008, Mets players suffered a frightening string of injuries in 2009, which virtually crippled the team for most of the year.
  “Truthfully,” Alderson said, “at this point, there’s a better chance that the world actually will end in 2015 than there is of the Mets playing even .500 baseball this season…much less make the post-season.”
  Mets players and coaches were disappointed by the announcement.
  “Baseball has been very, very good to me, but not this year,” Chico Escuela, Mets outfielder, said through an interpreter.
  “What can I say?  Sadly, eternal optimism doesn’t live in Queens anymore,” said Terry Collins, Mets Manager.  “All we can ask is that our fans wait ‘til next year…again.”

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