Consent

By Bud Koenemund

A 100 Word Story

  “Why don’t you touch me?” she asked, once the elevator door closed and they were alone.
  “Excuse me,” he returned.
  “Every other man here touches me as they walk past,” she said. “My back; or my shoulders; as they move around me.”
  For several moments, he remained silent.
  “I would never put my hands on you without your consent,” he said, finally.
  “And, if I gave you my consent?” she asked, stepping toward him.
  “Then, I would put my hand on your cheek, tilt your head up, and kiss you,” he whispered, staring into her eyes.
  The door slid open.

A Few Tips for Those of You Flying This Holiday Season

 By Bud Koenemund

  The TSA recommends that you arrive at the airport two hours before your flight. This means being AT the airport two hours before your flight. This DOES NOT mean just getting in your car two hours before the flight, then stopping for coffee, dropping off your dry cleaning, and searching for a last-minute gift before heading in the general direction of the airport. And, it DOES NOT mean joining the security queue five minutes before your flight is scheduled to begin boarding. Contrary to the belief banging around in your own head, you will not be the only person trying to catch a flight!

  Want the queue to move smoothly and – dare I say – quickly? Have your boarding pass and ID out, and ready to hand to the TSA Officer at the desk. If you’ve been in line for more than a few seconds, you’ve had time to prepare your documents. Hand them both to the officer at the same time, using one hand!

  Every airport is different – they have different technologies in use. Just because you kept your shoes on in Chicago, doesn’t mean you’ll keep them on in Scranton. Sometimes, the technology varies from lane to lane in the same airport. Listen to what the TSA Officers are telling you. They are not there because they want to slow your progress. They are actually telling you how to get through the checkpoint with minimal difficulties or delays.

  When it comes to your carry-on bags, 3.4 ounces of liquid means 3.4 ounces. Yes, that foot-tall bottle of shampoo is too large. It cannot go. It doesn’t matter if your water bottle is sealed. It cannot go. They don’t care if you just bought that Diet Coke in the gift shop right outside the check point. It cannot go. That grande, half-caff, soy, pumpkin spice, double mocaccino? It shall not pass! (This also goes for gels and aerosols larger than 3.4 ounces.)

  Think about what you’re packing in your carry-on bag. If you put food in your bag (I’m not talking about snacks here, I mean food like frozen steaks, chopped up raw fish, chicken, etc. Yes, they’ve seen all of these.) it will very likely be flagged for additional screening. If it’s wrapped in tinfoil, or a hundred layers of plastic wrap, it will be flagged. If you’re planning to take candles, or snow globes (larger than 3.4 ounces of water), or any foods that would fall under the liquids/gels/aerosols umbrella (peanut butter, cans of soup, cranberry sauce, cream cheese, etc.) put them in your checked bag. They will not be allowed through the check point.

  Before packing your bag (suitcase/backpack/duffel bag/ruck sack/etc.) make sure it’s empty! Go through every single pocket to ensure there are no prohibited items. Make sure there are no guns, no knives (no, that tiny pocket knife with the one-inch blade is NOT allowed), no bullets, no grenades, no brass knuckles, no mace/pepper spray, etc. In addition, replica weapons are not allowed. The TSA Officers will not believe you when you swear you have no idea how those things got in your bag.

  If you’re planning to transport Christmas presents in your carry-on bags, do not wrap them. If they look suspicious on the x-ray, the TSA may have to open them (and will not re-wrap them).

  Take ALL electronic devices larger than a cell phone out of your bag/backpack/ruck sack and place each of them in a separate bin, with NOTHING on top of or below them. This includes, but is not limited to: laptops, tablets, iPads, e-readers, video games, CPAP machines, universal TV remotes, George Foreman grills, cordless weed-wackers, chainsaws, etc. If in doubt, take it out.

  The TSA has really cool x-ray machines. If you leave it in your bag, they will find it. They will not let it slide. They will pull it out themselves, and re-run the bag, slowing down everyone.
(PS: If an Officer holds up your bag, and asks you if you left a tablet inside, DO NOT say, “It’s not a tablet, it’s an iPad.” Or, “It’s not an e-reader, it’s a Kindle.” They will laugh at you, and then take their sweet time finding it to re-run it.)

  Bring a Ziploc bag in which to place the contents of your pockets. Take EVERYTHING out of your pockets! Let me say that again because it sounds kind of important. TAKE. EVERY. THING. OUT. OF. YOUR. POCKETS! This doesn’t mean everything except your wallet. It doesn’t mean everything except the 37 cents in coins. It doesn’t mean everything except the Kleenex that’s been there for six weeks… Or your passport… Or your Chapstick… Or your boarding pass… Or your library card... Or the two Tylenol you were saving to take on the plane. ANYTHING left in your pockets WILL get you a pat down. Everything means EVERYTHING!

  And, while we’re on the subject of pat downs… Most people – and I’m talking about somewhere north of 90 percent of people – bring a pat down upon themselves. Can’t be bothered to empty your pockets? Pat down. You swear you have the one belt that won’t be detected? Pat down. Want to wear pants with zippered pockets/cuffs? Pat down. Wearing pants 10 sizes too large? Pat down. Want to wear sparkly/glittery/bedazzled clothing, or clothing with metallic threads? Pat down. Want to wear every piece of jewelry you own to the airport? Pat down. Blue jeans with a ton of designs stitched on the back pockets? You guessed it, pat down.

  Above all, use some common sense. Yes, I said it, COMMON SENSE! And, wear a mask!

The Media is Not Alone to Blame

By Bud Koenemund

  Sure, it would be nice if the media would, as Bill Maher urges, "calm down." But, you have to remember the "frenzy" is what many platforms – across the political spectrum – live for. They want the craziness, and the violence, and the disasters, and the pandemics (Hello; H1N1, Ebola, SARS, etc.), because it equals ratings. They need eyeballs glued to televisions, or newspapers, or computer screens in order to make money.

  The panel shows found on many cable news channels are much the same. They'll tell you what happened, or what might happen, then turn to a group of "pundits," to tell you what to think about it. And, it's usually only a matter of time until one of these people makes some outlandish statement or prediction meant to stir up the masses – the truth be damned. This is, of course, meant to ensure viewers will tune in to see what they'll say tomorrow.

  Instead of – or perhaps, in addition to – the media changing how they do what they do, I'd prefer we foster more people who have been taught to think for themselves; who can take in information, process it, and come to their own rational conclusions.

  Sadly, in this day and age of constantly shrinking education budgets, and growing – misguided – anti-intellectual attitudes, I don't see that happening any time soon. Once again, as Pogo warns: "We have met the enemy, and he is us."

Undiscovered Country

By Bud Koenemund

A 100-Word Story

For Lindsay

  They took their time; fingertips drifting across torrid flesh, lingering on bare curves and angles, as if mapping an undiscovered country. Senses swimming in the mad current of erotic overload; fools struggling to comprehend everything at once: tongues exploring skin, savoring the sweet saltiness; chests rising and falling as ragged breathing quickened; fingers tearing at the sheets; scents intoxicating, and the growing crescendo of lustful pleas and moans enchanting their ears. Laboring to maintain control, trying to hold back, even as their bodies screamed for more. Both now submissive and dominant; surrendering to each other; she his and he hers.

Lust in the Time of Coronavirus

By Bud Koenemund

Quarantine with me.
Let's get naked and ignore
"social distancing."