North Pole Announces Job Cuts

Santa's workshop "underwater" as Kringle appears before Congress

 

By Bud Koenemund

6 December 2012

 

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Disassociated Press) – Though surrounded by frozen wasteland, the North Pole has long been immune to cooling economic climates. Now, however, the world-wide financial crisis has reached into the icy expanse above the Arctic Circle.

  Santa Claus Incorporated today announced plans to cut more than 20 percent of its elven work force, and nearly 25 percent of its flying reindeer staff. The cuts come less than three weeks before Christmas – traditionally Santa Claus' busiest season – and were made in an effort to save money and streamline business operations, a North Pole spokesman said.

  "Decades of increasing production and delivery costs, as well as steadily rising elf and reindeer wages and health care costs have compelled us to downsize our workforce," said Yukon Cornelius.

  In an additional statement, SCI revealed the mortgage for Santa's workshop is underwater – the sale value of the workshop and surrounding property is worth less than the amount remaining on the mortgage.

  "SCI tried to re-finance this loan, but property values this far north have never been high, and it's difficult to make mortgage payments when you give away toys for free," said Cornelius.

  As the job cuts were being announced, Kris Kringle, CEO of Santa Claus Incorporated, appeared before the Joint Congressional Subcommittee for Supercilious Affairs to request a nearly $250 billion corporate bail-out package.

  During questioning by Rep. Barney Frank (D – MA), subcommittee chairman, Kringle admitted that Santa Claus stands in the growing shadow of a financial crisis.

  "Without a substantial aid package from Congress, Santa Claus could very well cease to exist," Kringle said. "We need an infusion of capital to sustain us while we re-vamp our operations."

  Frank pressed Kringle on the wisdom of his current business model and on repeated calls for cuts in management compensation.

  "From time immemorial, we have provided toys to children around the world, in exchange for nothing more than good behavior, stale cookies, and warm milk," Kringle said. "And, despite years of parental threats, we have never left a single child a lump of coal in their stocking. But, rising costs are forcing us to re-examine this generosity."

  "We must re-tool our plants and our workforce in order to produce toys more efficiently and at a lower cost, while at the same time, restoring the world's faith in Santa Claus," Kringle said.

  Committee member Senator Joe Lieberman (I – CT) questioned Kringle regarding the status of his mortgage.

  "Years ago, Chase – aware of our business model; our limited collateral and earning potential – approved our loan. They assured SCI real estate prices would continue to rise, and that there would always be more money available," Kringle claimed. "Now, we're drowning and they want to hand us a cement block.

  The International Brotherhood of Elves quickly responded to the announcement of job cuts and Kringle's statements before Congress.

  "Despite decades of poor treatment by management, especially a lack of dental care, the Elves have offered SCI several contract give-backs in an effort to preserve jobs," said a union leader who gave his name only as Hermey. "But, the problems at SCI extend far beyond our contract."

  "For years, SCI has been steadily cutting our workforce as they've outsourced more and more work to China and Korea in an effort to increase corporate profits. Unfortunately, toy quality has suffered and now consumers are turning to other sources for their Christmas gifts," Hermey said.

  Hermey cited SCI distribution of Chinese-manufactured toys containing lead-based paint as the primary factor for the decline in demand.

  Representatives of the Federated Union of Reindeer could not be reached for comment.

  At the White House, President Barack Obama said that he is watching the crisis closely.

  "We must not underestimate this crisis," Mr. Obama said. "If Santa Claus goes under, his suppliers and their employees will suffer as well."

  Several economic experts have warned ripples of SCI's fall could spread globally; even as far as Hanukkah Harry Industries – the largest competitor of Santa Claus.

  Rep. John Boehner, (R – OH), Speaker of the House of Representatives, is among several members of Congress opposed to a bail-out of Santa Claus.

  "This is not our crisis to solve. The North Pole is not U.S. territory and Mr. Kringle is not an American citizen," Boehner said. "He should petition Canada, Norway, or Russia; or perhaps even the United Nations for the emergency funding he needs."

  Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R – KY) seconded Boehner's rejection of aid.

  "We are not in the business of giving handouts to the 99 percent of individuals claiming to be in danger of losing their homes or small businesses in this economic crisis," he said.

 

  Kringle warned that without the bail-out funds, "Presents may not be delivered this Christmas Eve."

This is Not Politics; it is Human Rights (2012)

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a communist;

Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a socialist;

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a trade unionist;

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew;

Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.

– Martin Niemoller

 Voters in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington;

 

  On November 6, you will determine whether same-sex couples should be allowed to marry in your states. Very simply, I hope you will choose the correct path and end discrimination against a group of your fellow citizens.

  Don't fool yourself, my friends, it is discrimination. You can quibble about the definition, but when you allow one person or group the right or privilege to do something, and then solely and purposely exclude another person or group from that right or privilege – that is discrimination.

  When you allow a white man to sit at a lunch counter, but not a black man – that is discrimination. When you allow a man to vote, but not a woman – that is discrimination. And, when you allow a "straight" person the freedom to choose – within age and consensual limits – who they wish to marry, and deny equal freedom to a gay person – that is discrimination.

  In the long history of the United States, we have fought for freedom – our own and that of others. But, we have also discriminated against many different peoples. Black people and women fought for decades to win equal rights. Jews, Slavs, the Irish, the Chinese, Cubans; as each new wave of immigrants has landed on our shores they have endured discrimination, and fought for acceptance – for equality.

  Sadly, even in 2012, there are people who must fight to be treated equally. They are American citizens. They are teachers, doctors, firefighters, police officers – the list goes on and on. And, in a large percentage of the country, they are being denied a basic human right.

  It is, and should be, a right to choose the person you wish to marry, whether that person is another man, another woman, a Jew or a Gentile; whether they are black, white, yellow, or red.

  For all the bluster and name-calling, when you get right down to it, the issue of same-sex marriage is a simple matter of civil rights – the basic right to be treated equally.

  Of course, opponents disagree with this view, and they come to the debate with a slew of "talking points," statistics, quotes from The Bible, and outright lies, which they use to stir up fear in others and convince them that it is OK to discriminate against those who are different.

  Supporters of this discrimination claim that it is vital in order to protect the sanctity of marriage. This is absurd and insulting to the intelligence.

  According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC.gov), in 2008, there were 7.1 marriages and 3.5 divorces per 1,000 Americans. That means that the divorce rate in the United States is nearly half the rate of marriages. Almost 50 percent of these "straight" marriages end in divorce!

  In another study, Pew Research Center found that the state of Maine – where discrimination toward same-sex couples was reestablished in 2009 via the passing of Referendum 1 – has the nation's second highest percentage of divorced people; second only to Nevada. Pew found that, among Maine residents, 15 percent of women (compared to a national average of 12 percent), and 12 percent of men (compared to nine percent nationally) are divorced.

  In addition – again, according to the CDC – the rate of divorce in Maine is half a percent higher than the national average (4.6 vs. 4.1 percent).

  Another interesting fact uncovered by the CDC report: the rate of divorce in Massachusetts – the first state to allow same-sex marriage – is the lowest in the nation.

  Perhaps we should look to Hollywood to find the sacred bond of marriage that opponents speak of. Let's consider Anna Nicole Smith and the 89-year-old J. Howard Marshall II, whom she married on his death-bed (surely a marriage based on true love), or Elizabeth Taylor, or any of the countless Hollywood "couples" who have married and divorced with alarming regularity.

  Or, maybe we could look to our political leaders as the shining examples of this marital sanctity. John McCain, Ted Kennedy, Rudolph Giuliani, Ronald Reagan…all divorced. Arnold Schwarzenegger? Separated, and on the way to being divorced. Of course, there are some politicians whose marriages have survived; Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and Eliot Spitzer spring to mind.

  It seems to me that if we truly wanted to preserve marriage we should campaign to outlaw divorce and stiffen the penalty for adultery, not fight to deny marriage.

  Opponents argue that the "right" to get married is not a right guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States – for gay people or straight people. "Therefore," they claim, "to deny two people of the same sex something like that is not an infringement of such."

  As for the first part, I agree wholeheartedly. Obviously, marriage is not mentioned in the Constitution. Nor should it be. Two consenting adults should not require the sanction of the state in order to get married. I would, however, ask you to look at another document – one just as important to our nation – and read these simple words: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…"  All men. Not all "straight" men. All men!

  In response to the second part of the argument, I ask two questions: If the right/privilege/ability of a same-sex couple is not being infringed, what are we arguing about? If no infringement is present then, logically, a same-sex couple should simply be able to walk down to the local courthouse in any city, in any state of the Union, and get a marriage license…just like any "straight" couple, correct?

  Unfortunately, that is not the case. In fact, in a majority of the country, a same-sex couple cannot receive a marriage license. How is that equality?

  Perhaps the most frequent tactic used is quoting of the Scriptures. Opponents of same-sex marriage love to point out The Bible's condemnation of homosexuality. And, to be honest, it's my favorite tactic to observe.

  "Why," you ask?  I like it because when you challenge "God's Word," they get indignant, or feign being insulted, and then usually say something like, "Well, if you're going to turn this into an attack on Christianity, I'm not even going to debate you."

  This is, of course, simply not true. In actuality, the only thing under attack is the use of their beliefs to limit or deny the rights of people who do not share those particular beliefs.

  You see, the freedom of religion guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution is fine with many of them, as long as it means they can worship as they please. But, when you point out that freedom of religion also means freedom from religion – freedom from having the beliefs of others thrust upon you, or their beliefs being used to deny equality – then watch out.

  Unfortunately, despite all this professed belief in the Scriptures, words like compassion, charity, and love seem to have been lost in the mire. And, many people seem to have forgotten "The Golden Rule" that Jesus himself gave us in the Book of Luke: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

  "The Bible says that homosexuality is an abomination," they'll say. Indeed, it does…in some interpretations. But, in addition to telling us what is not permissible, The Bible tells us what is. According to The Bible, slavery, beating your wife, and even human sacrifice are allowed, and in some cases, demanded. Luckily, we as human beings have evolved to a point where those practices are no longer considered acceptable or legal.

  The truth is, The Bible is full of allegorical stories that can be interpreted in a number of ways. It was written by men – fallible, imperfect human beings, each with his own agenda and his own prejudices. In addition, it has been passed down through generation after generation, translated, re-interpreted, changed (can anyone say Council of Nicea?), and changed again. No one can truly say that The Bible we read today bears any resemblance to what was originally written.

  Of course, if you still believe that The Bible, literally translated, is the final word on the matter, I'll just ask this: If The Bible tells us that God made man in his own image, wouldn't that include gay human beings too? And, if that's so, who are we mere humans to question God's design?

  I don't understand where this fear of same-sex marriage – of gay people in general – came from. When I joined the United States Army in 1990, I was asked – twice – if I was, or ever had been, a member of the Communist party or of any organization dedicated to the violent overthrow of the government of the United States. I was asked if I was, or ever had been, gay, six times. Six times! Are gay people three times more likely to devote themselves to the destruction of freedom? Are gay people three times more likely to be bent on bringing about the violent overthrow of the government of the United States? To think this, even for a moment, is ridiculous to the point of absurdity.

  I know several same-sex couples. These are not men who haunt dark parking lots outside of adult bookstores. They are committed, hardworking Americans trying to make a living. And, they are as devoted to each other as any "straight" couple I've seen.

  During my time on this planet, I've learned that on most issues there are many points of view. Often, there is more than one "right" answer – more than one way to believe; "There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy," as William Shakespeare tells us.

  In this case, however, the simple fact is this: same-sex marriage should not be a political issue. It is a human issue about justice, equality, and ending discrimination against a group of American citizens.

  Too often, this argument revolves around hate and fear, when it should revolve around love. We spend – if we're lucky – 70 or 80 years on this little ball of dust before we "shuffle off this mortal coil," so why not try to be happy – and allow others to be happy – while we're here?

  I ask opponents of same-sex marriage to consider a few more simple questions: Does denying the happiness of others make you any happier? How does the marriage of two other people – no matter their genders – affect your marriage? Does defeating same-sex marriage make your own marriage – or any other marriage – stronger?

  The truth is, the only people who affect the sanctity of your marriage are you and your spouse. The couple next door – whatever their gender composition – doesn't change your commitment. And, couples across the street, across town, or across the country have absolutely no control over the strength and validity of your marriage!

  No one is telling you that you have to be gay. Nor is anyone saying that you have to like gay people or their lifestyle. But, that doesn't make gay people any less human than you are. It doesn't make them any less an American citizen than you are. And it certainly doesn't give you the right to discriminate against them. They are not asking for special treatment or privileges, only for equality. They want – and deserve – the same treatment and respect that every other American citizen receives, no more, no less.

  This issue is not important only for gay Americans; it is important for all Americans – gay, straight, black, white, Democrat, Republican, believer, atheist, and everyone in between. You must realize that once you deny equality to one person, or one group of people – once you see them or treat them as something less than you are – you make it that much easier to see everyone as something less than you are. And, eventually, someone will do the same to you. Someday they will come for your rights as well…and there will be no one left to speak out for you.

  Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington; I sincerely hope you will find the courage to end discrimination against your fellow citizens by voting to allow same-sex marriage in your states.

  In Maine: Vote "Yes" on Question 1.

  In Maryland: Vote "For" Question 6.

  In Minnesota: Vote "No" on Amendment 1.

  In Washington: "Approve" Referendum 74.

  Thank you,

  Bud Koenemund
  4 November 2012

Those Who Cannot Remember the Past

This is my entry in the 2012 Short Short Fiction Contest sponsored by Esquire magazine and the Aspen Writers' Foundation. The story had to be exactly 79 words - to celebrate the 79th anniversary of Esquire.

I have included the photograph - a still taken from a 2011 YouTube video of an Occupy Wall Street march - that inspired the story.

When I saw the blonde woman toast the protesters, I immediately thought about the attitude and words attributed to Marie Antoinette - "Let them eat cake!"

I recalled the warning of George Santayana - "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." I thought about last year's protests and uprisings in Greece, London, Rome, and throughout the Middle East. And, I thought, if it can happen there, it could happen here as well.

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Those Who Cannot Remember the Past

By Bud Koenemund

  The insatiate gathered above Wall Street, on gilded balconies overlooking the rabble – the indebted; those without jobs; those left homeless by the housing bubble – the self-proclaimed 99 percent. They laughed, took pictures, and mocked the people; toasting the disaffected with champagne. They were among the elite in a world of margins and algorithms; puts and calls; dollars and cents. But, insular in their greed, they could not feel the heat of a fire whose glow already lit the horizon.

Antonin Scalia and the Right to Marry

  Antonin Scalia, Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, apparently believes that no American – gay or straight – has the right to marry. Yes, you read that correctly – no one.

  As reported by David Badash of The New Civil Rights Movement, during a recent book signing in Washington, D.C., Scalia said, "for him, it is 'easy' to outlaw same-sex marriage."

  Interesting. A man who goes to work in a building bearing the motto, "Equal Justice Under Law," finds it "easy" to discriminate against American citizens.

  Scalia's pronouncement is especially troubling because several appeals regarding same-sex marriage rights are pending Supreme Court review.

  But, according to an article from The Huffington Post:

  Scalia calls himself a "textualist" (which is also labeled an originalist), meaning Scalia believes that if the exact words – text – do not appear in the Constitution, the right to it does not exist. In a Scalia world, there is no right to same-sex marriage.

  The fact is, marriage is never mentioned in the Constitution – not same-sex marriage; not heterosexual marriage; no marriage – not a single mention. This is, one would think, a fact of which Scalia is well aware.

  Obviously, if we follow Scalia's beliefs as a "textualist," this means no one – gay or straight – has the right to marriage in this country. If the exact words do not appear, "the right to it does not exist." Right?

  So, how do you go about blocking the right of someone else, when you yourself do not have that right? Or, if you argue that you have that right, how can you deny that right to others?

  Given his publicly stated beliefs regarding same-sex marriage, can we believe Scalia will fairly and impartially weigh the evidence of whichever – if any – case the Supreme Court hears?

  Or, may we assume, since his belief in discrimination toward these American citizens is so strong, he will recuse himself from ruling on any case relating to same-sex rights?

  Hypocrisy and discrimination, or recusal – take your pick, Justice Scalia.

Tortured

For TK

Inspired by Jack, Neal, and Allen

We could see the darkness and were blind in the light. We stood, dumb, as a vomit of colors, and words, and numbers whirled around us. We were everything, and everywhere, not with each other, but within everyone; enveloped by a stream of power, drowned and reborn. It was beautiful. And, more beautiful because it was not limited by any form or definition. The waves swept away all thought of past or future. There was only the now, and we were it, and it would never end. It was an explosion, like the birth of the universe, and the death of everything all at once. We wielded energy, pure and liquid, against a roiling sky of neon. We were omnipotent within the world of our minds; and yet powerless to save ourselves. Our minds burned with the fever of knowledge; knowing everything, comprehending everything, thirsting for more, even as it all fell away as quickly as it came. A hurricane raged around us, stripping away our doubt, revealing in chaos: order. We reached out to touch it, to embrace it, and somehow pull it back within us before consciousness blotted it from our brains; struggling to save some small fragment of it. But, it could not be. It could not live beyond this dream, and so much was lost as our eyes opened, once more blind in the light of day.

The Commandments of Will

So, I've been digging through The Bible, and I've discovered several more of God's commandments meant to be obeyed without question or interpretation:

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The Commandments of Will
(Researched and collected by The Mad Sonneteer)

1. The Word of Will is eternal and unchanging. To question His authorship shall be heresy. (Lev. 28: 13-14)

2. Thou shalt not take the name of Will in vain. (Deut. 35: 17)

3. Thou shalt remember the sonnets and keep them holy. (Ex. 41: 7)

4. Thou shalt not worship Oxford as I have commanded thee worship Will. (Lev. 28: 24)

5. Thou shalt smite Oxfordians with the Word of Will that they might repent their sin. (Deut. 35: 33)

6. Thou shalt not lie with an Oxfordian as with a Stratfordian. (Lev. 28: 69)

7. The Oxfordian lifestyle shall be considered an abomination, and the blasphemous shall burn in the eternal fires of summer-session Remedial English classes. (Lev. 28: 10-11)

8. Thou shalt not suffer Russell Brand to portray any character of Will. (Prov. 32: 67)

Death, and the Victim

There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep.
- J.R.R. Tolkien

It wasn’t like I was an attractive child; “Husky” was the diplomatic euphemism the J.C. Penney catalog used to describe my body-type. Of course, being beautiful would not have been any kind of excuse for the things he did…for what he took from me.

For years, I’ve been able to lock the memories away; way back amongst the cobwebs in a seldom visited corner of my mind. Occasionally, of course, something would remind me – catching a whiff of cigar smoke, seeing someone chewing tobacco, a news story about a child being sexually abused – but I’d quickly push the memories back into that corner, until now.

Why dredge up the memories now, after nearly three decades? Why reveal something that I’ve never told another living soul? Because, my maternal grandfather, Arthur H. Monigold, the man who sexually assaulted me several times in the early 1980s, is dead.

He was diagnosed with Cancer early in 2007, but he didn’t tell anyone. A week before he died, while he lay in a hospital bed, his doctors informed family members that they expected him to die at any time. And, on October 17, 2008 – my 40th birthday – he did.

Standing beside his casket; seeing him for only the third time in nearly 25 years – knowing that it would be the last time I would see him on this earth – he didn’t look like “Grampa.” He was no longer the man who towered over me back when I was knee-high to a grasshopper. He looked like a wax sculpture. His once-strong fingers and sharp hawk-like nose were withered and shrunken. He was nothing more than a pile of wrinkled, leathery skin buttoned up in the last suit he’ll ever own.

And I was happy to see him off. It took a long time, certainly a lot longer than expected, or deserved, but I guess that if the good die young, the evil seem to live damned-near forever.

Most people will find it a bit strange that I’m celebrating a death in the family. I don’t mean celebrating the life which preceded the shuffling off of the mortal coil, but actually rejoicing that a family member is now residing in the deepest, darkest, hottest pit, in the lowest level of Hell, with several demons assigned to make his eternity as terrifyingly uncomfortable as possible. I assure you, my vivid imagination turns to the worst horrors that John Milton and Dante Alighieri ever described.

I could tell you some of the good things the man did in his life. He served in the United States Army during World War II. He spent decades working in Ohio steel mills. He married, fathered seven children, and adopted another. He provided food and education for the entire clan, and watched them all marry-off.

But those good things only make what he did to me more difficult to understand. His abuse wasn’t like a father teaching his son to be tough by telling him not to cry when he skinned his knee, or when he got hit by a pitch while playing baseball. It was a grown-up taking sexual advantage of a child. A child entrusted to his care, a child who trusted him; a child who was probably more damaged by keeping the secret of the abuse, than by the actual abuse. My grandfather told me not to tell anyone, and I didn’t…for nearly thirty years.

I wasn’t the only child he abused. Unfortunately, I’ve learned of three other children – all family members – that he hurt. In addition, over the last several years, I’ve received hints and heard rumors about his abuse of two other family members. The knowledge that I might have been able to stop some of the others from being hurt burns me – if I had just told on him – if I hadn’t kept his secret…

When I learned of his imminent death, I did not travel to Ohio for some kind of death-bed reconciliation. I did not wish to hear an apology or an excuse – if he had even offered one. Too many of my “issues” can be traced directly back to his abuse.

It is why I don’t like being touched by any but my closest friends. It is why I don’t trust many people – and rarely give a second chance to the few I do. It is the biggest reason why I don’t sleep at night, even in my own bed. It is the reason that I am always suspicious of peoples’ intentions with children and constantly self-conscious about my interactions with my 4-year-old niece. No, I felt – and still feel – no need or desire to forgive him or to forget what he did to me!

What I do feel is hate! Hatred at him for what he took, and hatred at myself because I let him take it! Because I couldn’t do anything…because I still can’t do anything. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to drive to Ohio and strangle the life out of him with my bare hands. I wanted to look into his eyes as the life left them, and see his final realization that I was taking something valuable from him. But I didn’t. I didn’t use the fact that I’m bigger and stronger than someone else to hurt them!

Too often, I hear people use their own past sexual abuse as an excuse to explain their abuse of a child. As if that is any kind of justification for visiting that kind of pain on a child. As if there could ever be any justification for that. Yes, I was sexually abused as a boy, but I would drag razor blades across my eyeballs before I would intentionally hurt a child.

I didn’t make a scene at the funeral home. I politely declined a request to serve as a pall-bearer. And, despite my repeated blustering that I would remain at the cemetery to help the workers cover him with dirt, I did not. Before the service began, however, I found a quiet moment to stand beside his casket and slide a list of his crimes – the ones I know about – inside his jacket, as a kind of boarding pass for the trip to Hell. I wanted to make sure that the Devil didn’t miss anything.

This revelation…this confession…is not about finding some kind of closure for myself. I’m certain that if I haven’t found closure by now, I never will. No, this is about the truth; a truth that should have come out a very long time ago.

I know, of course, that I’ll see my grandfather again…someday. We will have a lot to talk about while we both spend eternity in Hell. Until that day, however, I’ll go on living my life as best I can – an endeavour more difficult some days than others. As painful as it is, I’m trying to learn to accept the past for what it is – rather than pushing it back into that dark corner – because I know that it will always be there, and I can’t change it now.

F. Scott Fitzgerald illustrates this struggle in the last sentence of The Great Gatsby. He writes, “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” The fact is, we each suffer from the accumulated wounds of our lifetime. We can wash away the scabs of immediacy, but the scars remain to remind us of the pain much longer…sometimes forever. My scars will never fade completely. My memories will always have the power to carry me back to the past. All I can do is beat on against that current.


For information about missing, abused, neglected, and murdered children, please visit these sites:

Child Abuse and Neglect – HelpGuide.org: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US

The National Sex Offender Public Website: http://www.nsopr.gov/

NetSafeKids Home Page: http://www.nap.edu/netsafekids/

The Truth

The only people who affect the "sanctity" of your marriage are you and your spouse. The couple next door -- whatever their gender composition -- doesn't change your commitment. And, couples across the street, across town, or across the country have absolutely no control over the strength and validity of your marriage!

-  Bud Koenemund

Mets Eliminated from Playoff Race

Announcement comes hours before season's first pitch

FLUSHING, NY (Disassociated Press) – In a move sure to stun many fans of the New York Mets, team officials today announced that the team has been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention this season.

The admission came at Citi Field, just hours before the first pitch in Thursday's season opener against the Atlanta Braves.

"We just feel that it's important to be truthful with our fan base," said Sandy Alderson, Mets General Manager.

Alderson told reporters that a small group made up of team management looked into the team's chances during spring training in Florida.

"We looked at our roster, our current and recent injuries – including those of [supposed franchise shortstop] Jose Reyes - and we looked at what has happened over the last five seasons," Alderson said. "Unfortunately, we determined that this team stood a snowballs chance in Hell of making the playoffs this season."

Following consecutive late season collapses in 2007 and 2008, Mets players suffered a frightening string of injuries in 2009, which virtually crippled the team for most of the year. The 2010 and 2011 seasons proved no better.

"After those three seasons, frankly, we expected a strong rebound in 2010, but we came out of the gate snakebit and never recovered," said Omar Minaya, former Mets General Manager.

Minaya was fired - along with Mets manager Jerry Manuel - following the 2010 season.

"It seemed like every single thing that could go wrong did," Minaya added, "from dropped pop flies against the Yankees, to our closer breaking his hand punching an old man, we saw it all in 2010."

Things did not improve for the team in 2011.

"Truthfully," Alderson said, "at this point, there's a better chance that the world actually will end in 2012 than there is of the Mets playing even .500 baseball this season…much less make the post-season."

Mets players and coaches were disappointed by the announcement.

"Baseball has been very, very good to me, but not this year," Chico Escuela, Mets outfielder, said through an interpreter.

"What can I say? Sadly, eternal optimism doesn't live in Queens anymore," said Terry Collins, current manager of the Mets. "All we can ask is that our fans wait 'til next year…again."

Dark Dream

There is a storm coming. The sky is dark with clouds. We are running for shelter – some haven I cannot see. I stretch out my hand to you. You take it – hesitantly at first – but then you squeeze tightly.

We run – breathless in the gathering gloom – through tall grass, as the wind rises in our faces.

I turn and try to say your name, but no words emerge. Something in the grass catches my eye. I stop to see and it's already behind me. I release your hand and walk back to find pens on the ground…my pens. I sense you calling out to me. I look at your face, your mouth is moving, but I hear nothing.

I retrieve my pens and see papers spread out on the ground. They are not blowing in the wind, but entangled in the grass.

They are my papers…my words written for you. I feel panic grow within me as I try to grab them, collecting them before they disappear. Schoolboys in gray uniforms stand nearby, laughing at my efforts. They aren't running – only pointing and calling me a fool.

A cold, hard rain begins to fall. I turn to look for you, and you're gone…

This is Not Politics; it is Human Rights

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.
– Martin Niemoller

Governor Christie;
Soon you will bear the responsibility of determining whether same-sex couples will be allowed to marry in New Jersey. Very simply, I hope you will choose the correct path and abolish discrimination against a group of your fellow citizens.

Don’t fool yourself, Governor, it is discrimination. You can quibble about the definition, but when you give one person or group the right or privilege to do something, and then solely and purposely exclude another person or group from that right or privilege – that is discrimination.

When you allow a white man to sit at a lunch counter, but not a black man – that is discrimination. When you allow a man to vote, but not a woman – that is discrimination. And, when you allow a “straight” person the freedom to choose – within age and consensual limits – who they wish to marry, and deny equal freedom to a gay person – that is discrimination.

In the long history of the United States, we have fought for freedom – our own and that of others. But, we have also discriminated against many different peoples. Black people and women fought for decades to win equal rights. Jews, Slavs, the Irish, the Chinese, Cubans; as each new wave of immigrants has landed on our shores they have endured discrimination, and fought for acceptance – for equality.

Sadly, even in 2012, there are people who must fight to be treated equally. They are American citizens. They are teachers, doctors, firefighters, police officers – the list goes on and on. And, in a large percentage of the country, they are being denied a basic human right.

It is, and should be, a right to choose the person you wish to marry, whether that person is another man, another woman, a Jew or a Gentile; whether they are black, white, yellow, or red. Or, even if that person is a Red Sox fan!

For all the bluster and name-calling, when you get right down to it, the issue of same-sex marriage is a simple matter of civil rights – the basic right to be treated equally.

Of course, opponents disagree with this view, and they come to the debate with a slew of “talking points,” statistics, quotes from The Bible, and outright lies, which they use to stir up fear in others and convince them that it is OK to discriminate against those who are different.

Supporters of this discrimination claim that it is vital in order to protect the sanctity of marriage. This is absurd and insulting to the intelligence.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC.gov), in 2008, there were 7.1 marriages and 3.5 divorces per 1,000 Americans. That means that the divorce rate in the United States is nearly half the rate of marriages. Almost 50 percent of these “straight” marriages end in divorce!

In another study, Pew Research Center found that the state of Maine – where discrimination toward same-sex couples was reestablished in 2009 via the passing of Referendum 1 – has the nation’s second highest percentage of divorced people; second only to Nevada. Pew found that, among Maine residents, 15 percent of women (compared to a national average of 12 percent), and 12 percent of men (compared to nine percent nationally) are divorced.

In addition – again, according to the CDC – the rate of divorce in Maine is half a percent higher than the national average (4.6 vs. 4.1 percent).

Another interesting fact uncovered by the CDC report: the rate of divorce in Massachusetts – the first state to allow same-sex marriage – is the lowest in the nation.

Perhaps we should look to Hollywood to find the sacred bond of marriage that opponents speak of. Let’s consider Anna Nicole Smith and the 89-year-old J. Howard Marshall II, whom she married on his death-bed (surely a marriage based on true love), or Elizabeth Taylor, or any of the countless Hollywood “couples” who have married and divorced with alarming regularity.

Or, maybe we could look to our political leaders as the shining examples of this marital sanctity. John McCain, Ted Kennedy, Rudolph Giuliani, Ronald Reagan…all divorced. Arnold Schwarzenegger? Separated, and – given the existence of a love child – one might presume he's on the way to being divorced. Of course, there are some politicians whose marriages have survived; Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and Eliot Spitzer spring to mind.

It seems to me that if we truly wanted to preserve marriage we should campaign to outlaw divorce and stiffen the penalty for adultery, not fight to deny marriage.

Opponents argue that the “right” to get married is not a right guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States – for gay people or straight people. “Therefore,” they claim, “to deny two people of the same sex something like that is not an infringement of such.”

As for the first part, I agree wholeheartedly. Obviously, marriage is not mentioned in the Constitution. Nor should it be. Two consenting adults should not require the sanction of the state in order to get married. I would, however, ask you to look at another document – one just as important to our nation – and read these simple words: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…” All men. Not all “straight” men. All men!

In response to the second part of the argument, I ask two questions: If the right/privilege/ability of a same-sex couple is not being infringed, what are we arguing about? If no infringement is present then, logically, a same-sex couple should simply be able to walk down to the local courthouse in any city, in any state of the Union, and get a marriage license…just like any “straight” couple, correct?

Unfortunately, that is not the case. In fact, in a majority of the country, a same-sex couple can not receive a marriage license. How is that equality?

Perhaps the most frequent tactic used is quoting of the Scriptures. Opponents of same-sex marriage love to point out The Bible’s condemnation of homosexuality. And, to be honest, it’s my favorite tactic to observe.

“Why,” you ask? I like it because when you challenge “God’s Word,” they get indignant, or feign being insulted, and then usually say something like, “Well, if you’re going to turn this into an attack on Christianity, I’m not even going to debate you.”

This is, of course, simply not true. In actuality, the only thing under attack is the use of their beliefs to limit or deny the rights of people who do not share those particular beliefs.

You see, the freedom of religion guaranteed by the First Amendment to the Constitution is fine with many of them, as long as it means they can worship as they please. But, when you point out that freedom of religion also means freedom from religion – freedom from having the beliefs of others thrust upon you, or their beliefs being used to deny equality – then watch out.

Unfortunately, despite all this professed belief in the Scriptures, words like compassion, charity, and love seem to have been lost in the mire. And, many people seem to have forgotten “The Golden Rule” that Jesus himself gave us in the Book of Luke: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

“The Bible says that homosexuality is an abomination,” they’ll say. Indeed, it does…in some interpretations. But, in addition to telling us what is not permissible, The Bible tells us what is. According to The Bible, slavery, beating your wife, and even human sacrifice are allowed, and in some cases, demanded. Luckily, we as human beings have evolved to a point where those practices are no longer considered acceptable or legal.

The truth is, The Bible is full of allegorical stories that can be interpreted in a number of ways. It was written by men – fallible, imperfect human beings, each with his own agenda and his own prejudices. In addition, it has been passed down through generation after generation, translated, re-interpreted, changed (can anyone say Council of Nicea?), and changed again. No one can truly say that The Bible we read today bears any resemblance to what was originally written.

Of course, if you still believe that The Bible, literally translated, is the final word on the matter, I’ll just ask this: If The Bible tells us that God made man in his own image, wouldn’t that include gay human beings too? And, if that’s so, who are we mere humans to question God’s design?

I don’t understand where this fear of same-sex marriage – of gay people in general – came from. When I joined the United States Army in 1990, I was asked – twice – if I was, or ever had been, a member of the Communist party or of any organization dedicated to the violent overthrow of the government of the United States. I was asked if I was, or ever had been, gay, six times. Six times! Are gay people three times more likely to devote themselves to the destruction of freedom?

Are gay people three times more likely to be bent on bringing about the violent overthrow of the government of the United States? To think this, even for a moment, is ridiculous to the point of absurdity.

I know several same-sex couples. These are not men who haunt dark parking lots outside of adult bookstores. They are committed, hardworking Americans trying to make a living. And, they are as devoted to each other as any “straight” couple I’ve seen.

During my time on this planet, I’ve learned that on most issues there are many points of view. Often, there is more than one “right” answer – more than one way to believe; “There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” as William Shakespeare tells us.

In this case, however, the simple fact is this: same-sex marriage should not be a political issue. It is a human issue about justice, equality, and ending discrimination against a group of American citizens.

Too often, this argument revolves around hate and fear, when it should revolve around love. We spend – if we’re lucky – 70 or 80 years on this little ball of dust before we “shuffle off this mortal coil,” so why not try to be happy – and allow others to be happy – while we’re here?

I ask opponents of same-sex marriage to consider a few more simple questions: Does denying the happiness of others make you any happier? How does the marriage of two other people – no matter their genders – affect your marriage? Does defeating same-sex marriage make your own marriage – or any other marriage – stronger?

No one is telling you that you have to be gay. Nor is anyone saying that you have to like gay people or their lifestyle. But, that doesn’t make gay people any less human than you are. It doesn’t make them any less an American citizen than you are. And it certainly doesn’t give you the right to discriminate against them. They are not asking for special treatment or privileges, only for equality. They want – and deserve – the same treatment and respect that every other American citizen receives, no more, no less.

This issue is not important only for gay Americans; it is important for all Americans – gay, straight, black, white, Democrat, Republican, believer, atheist, and everyone in between. You must realize that once you deny equality to one person, or one group of people – once you see them or treat them as something less than you are – you make it that much easier to see everyone as something less than you are. And, eventually, someone will do the same to you. Someday they will come for your rights as well…and there will be no one left to speak out for you.

Mr. Governor; I sincerely hope you will find the courage to help end discrimination against your fellow citizens by signing the bill to allow same-sex marriage in New Jersey.

Thank you,

Bud Koenemund
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (formerly South Orange, New Jersey)
16 February 2012